Past Forgotten
by Rat07
Summary: Shinji was befriended by a young girl when he was abandoned. Different beginnings, new ends. Rated M for language I suppose and a possible lemon later on...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not any Evangelion characters or anything in their likeness.

AN: Well... New fic from me. Sort of got bored and wrote this so it's not really good. Just read it, waste your time :P

'Were sorry. Due to the stay of special emergency, no lines are currently available. This is a recording.'

"…Damn phone doesn't work.. I shouldn't have come here"

Shinji looks at his watch. "She's late…"

Halfway across Tokyo 3…

"Shit, why'd I have to lose him now? Ritsuko will chew me out real bad…"

'Oh, there he is'

Misato nearly does a 180, almost running Shinji over.

"Hey kid, get in."

"What the hell, you crazy woman. You almost ran me over!"

/grumble/ "Yeah, I'm thinking about doing so right now. Get in."

Shinji just stared at her, then the picture. "Ohh… your Misato"

"Uh huh, now for the third and final time **GET IN!**"

He quickly complied and Misato sped off at racing speeds. Shinji stared out the window, watching the explosions in the distance. (What is that thing?…) Misato stops the car and takes out field binoculars. (Weird, why would they retreat… Oh shit…) "**GET DOWN!**" Misato grabbed Shinji and lay on top of him. "Wha- What are you doing? Get off m-"

A huge explosion ensued, flipping Misato's sky blue sports car on it's side.

"Ugh… you okay, Shinji?"

"…I just swallowed some dirt"

"Whatever, you'll be fine. Now help me flip this car over."

(Damnit, I'm still paying for this car. My dress is ruined…)

"..Miss Misato?"

(I looked so good in it too…)

"Misato?"

"Huh, What's that?"

"Those batteries, isn't that theft?" Shinji points to the many batteries in the back seat.

Misato puts on a sheepish smile "Ah well, this is an emergency. Don't worry, it'll be fine."

"..I doubt anyone will buy that…"

"You're not as cute as I thought you were"

"Hmm…" Shinji stares out the window.

"Ooh, angry now huh? You're just a kid."

"You're not as mature as I thought you'd be either"

"Grrr…"

"Ahh! What the hell you're gonna hit that light post!" Shinji screamed as Misato drove the car through trash cans and any unfortunate furry animal.

Meanwhile in NERV…

Fuyutsuki was staring at the live video screen. "The UN Forces are exhausted. What are you going to do?"

Gendo laced his fingers in front of his face "Activate Unit One."

Fuyutsuki frowned "Activate it? But we have no pilot."

Gendo held a small smile "Not anymore, another spare is being delivered."

NERV corridors…

"Isn't this the right way…" Misato looked at the map on the wall with confusion.

Shinji had an unimpressed look on his face "We passed this spot twice…"

"Well… Hey! Let's take that elevator"

The elevator door opened, revealing a slightly annoyed blonde.

Misato quickly straightened up "Ah! Hi there, Ritsuko..."

Ritsuko didn't waver "Why are you wasting my time, Captain? Don't you know we're short on time and manpower?"

Misato laughed nervously "Ahh yeah, sorry…"

The blonde scientist turned to Shinji "So, this is the boy?"

"Right, the Marduk Report named him as the Third Child."

Ritsuko put on a fake smile "Nice to meet you"

"Hmph… sure"

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree eh Ritsu?"

As they made their way towards the EVA cage Misato explained to Shinji why NERV was created. "…to protect mankind and… Gendo Ikari is the commander of NERV…"

Shinji really wasn't listening until she mentioned his father.

"What was that?"

Misato replied in mild annoyance "Weren't you listening to me? NERV was created to combat ang-"

"No. after that. About my father"

"Your father is the commander of NERV"

"Is that so…"

Misato may be a slob but she was quite observant. She noticed Shinji's mood turn sour but she decided to pick on the matter later.

"We are here"

"It's dark"

"These are the EVA's" Ritsuko turned on the lights for dramatic effect.

Shinji replied unimpressed "So, it's a giant robot. Did my father build this?"

"Yes I did, Shinji."

Everyone looked up to see Gendo standing above the EVA.

"It has been a long time, Shinji"

"No, too soon" Shinji replied coldly.

Gendo didn't even blink "Finally grown the spine to say it."

"No thanks to you, bastard"

Misato and Ritsuko stood in the background. You couldn't get a word in edgewise.

Gendo's eyes narrowed "You know why you are here, I have a use for you. You are to pilot the Evangelion."

"You expect me to pilot that giant robot?" Shinji laughed. "You're really crazy"

(He may need convincing) Gendo spoke into a microphone "Ready Rei for piloting, the spare is useless."

Ritsuko's eyes went wide "WHAT! She can barely walk!"

Gendo silenced her with a glare. "She is better than a useless pilot, prepare the system for Rei"

/ambient work noise/

(Who is that?) Shinji thought while Rei was being wheeled in. (I know what he's trying to do… I won't give in.)

Above ground explosion

Shinji looked up and saw a lighting fixture coming loose. "NO!" He ran, arm outstretched toward the fallen girl.

The EVA's eye's lit up then it's right arm broke the restraints, shielding Shinji and Rei from the falling debris

Ritsuko was almost speechless "How is that possible? There isn't even an entry plug inside it!"

(You win this time…) Shinji thought as he cradled Rei in his arms.

He slowly stood up, taking care not to hurt the girl. "I..I will pilot it. Let me pilot it!"

Gendo smirked "Good, prepare EVA for launch"

Ritsuko went through many preparation procedures and instructions. Shinji was mildly surprised as orangish liquid filled the entry plug. He doubted they would kill him but the smell to him was unbearable. (It- It smells terrible, yet familiar..) Shinji gagged when he swallowed some, the coppery taste making him almost vomit in the LCL.

"This stuff… it's sick"

Misato was in Operations Director mode. "Stop your whining, you're a boy aren't you?"

Shinji decided not to talk as more of the liquid filled his mouth whenever he did.

Everyone let out a gasp as Shinji made the EVA walk. (This isn't so hard…) The EVA misjudged a step and fell over. (Damn… never mind)

"Shinji! Get up!" Misato screamed.

"Huh.." He looked up to see the dark green and white monster from before. Shinji was too shocked to do anything as the angel grabbed his left arm and began to squeeze.

"Shinji, that's not your arm. Calm down"

Misato's words were in vain however since all he was focused on was how much pain he was in. Shinji let out a scream as his 'arm' was broken. Before he could look back up a blinding light was ramming into his head. The pain was almost unbearable, when he felt like he wanted to die a familiar feeling came over him. (What, what is this? I've never felt this before... yet it's so familiar…) That was when his EVA shut down. (Is this death?)

After a few minutes his EVA went back online, the angel nowhere to be seen. (What happened? Damn, so confusing) He looked through one of the external cameras and saw what resembled a face. Suddenly an eye appeared and seemingly focused on him. Darkness clouded his vision.

NERV hospital

/EKG beeping/

Shinji opened his eyes, noting that his left arm was numb.

(I can move my arm… but the pain still lingers… Blood. I remember this smell, this taste… I almost forgot why I did this… That would be bad, huh Sakae?)

Shinji went back to sleep with thoughts lingering in the past.

-Dream-

Children playing and laughing

"Let's make another sand castle!"

"I can't my mommy says it's time to go"

"…"

"Bye bye!"

As the child left Shinji felt the loneliness once again envelop him. It was so hard to forget the pain. In anger he wrecked the sand castle, not noticing a person step behind him.

"Hi, my name is Sakae"

"…" Shinji didn't turn around.

"I'm new here, can I play with you?"

"…" Shinji turned around to see a girl around his age. She had dark brown shoulder length hair and had an infectious smile. What caught his attention were her eyes.

"Red…"

She looked at Shinji strangely "? Oh, you mean my eyes. My great grandma has red eyes too. So, you wanna play?"

"…Sure"

-End Dream-

"Shinji"

The pilot turned over, still asleep.

"Hey, I have good news. So don't go back to sleep!"

Shinji suddenly felt an annoying prodding on his side. He turned over to see the raven haired woman from before.

"What is it?"

"I checked your profile and saw that you were living alone, so guess what?"

Shinji sighed "What?"

"Your living with me!" Misato inwardly jumped for joy (YES! I hope he can clean!)

"Great… who decided that?"

"Me"

"Oh… where's my stuff?"

"It's been delivered already, so get dressed and we can leave."

Apartment complex…

Misato stopped in front of the door.

"We're home!"

As the door was opening the rustling of cans and other instant food packages promptly told Shinji that she was a slob. (Is this why she wanted me here? To clean?)

"See? Your things are right by your room" Misato pointed out a few boxes on the floor. (He doesn't have very much…) A small box caught her eye, it was dark red with gold trim. She picked it up and was about to open it.

"What the hell, don't touch that!" Shinji yelled while snatching the box from her hands.

Misato fell over in surprise "Sorry! I didn't know…"

Shinji held the box a little tighter "…J-just don't touch it … it's all I have" With that Shinji headed into his room and closed the door.

(Weird kid) Misato thought and sat down for a beer.

Shinji lay on his bed, reflecting upon what happened ever since he met her. (I used to be a kid, who couldn't care less what happened in the world. Now I pilot a robot to save it. Life is funny isn't it Sakae?) He drifted off to sleep, reflecting on the past.

-Dream-

The weather was fair, not too hot or cold. A slight refreshing breeze whispered through the trees. Two children walked side by side along a lakeshore, not talking but enjoying each other's presence.

"Hey Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"I have something to give you"

"You don't have to give me anyt-"

"No, I want to" The chocolate brown haired girl reached into her bag and produced a small red box. It had golden trim and a red ribbon "It's for you Shinji"

Shinji slowly took the box, as if he did not quite register its existence. "Thank you, this means a lot."

"Well? Open it!"

"Right…" Shinji slowly pulled the ribbon, taking care not to damage it. He pulled out a framed picture. "This is when we first met"

"Yeah, a picture is a thousand words!" Sakae giggled.

-End Dream-

Sunlight streamed in through the blinds, hindering any chance of sleeping in. (Unfamiliar ceiling…)

"Shinji! Breakfast!"

(I didn't eat last night… She's just trying to be nice…) Shinji opened the door and made his way to the kitchen.

"You didn't eat last night so I took the responsibility of making instant soup. You should be grateful."

Shinji sat down and began to eat. Bad mistake on his part. He choked on the soup, the taste causing him to cough and possibly killing his taste buds. "Ugh, what is this?"

"Oh it's my own special recipe. The trick is to add less water and make sure the eggs are ripe"

Shinji poked the soup warily "I think it's moving…"

"You just don't appreciate fine cuisine" Misato huffed.

"I'm going to take a bath."

"That's a good idea, after all bathing cleanses the mind and soul" Misato said matter of factly.

Bathroom…

(Misato Katsuragi... She's not a bad person.)

-Flashback-

"Bathing cleanses the mind and soul."

-End flashback-

(But bad memories always seem to find me in the bath… Like my Father...)

"And the day...she died" Shinji fell asleep, a single tear falling from his face.

-Dream-

The sky had a light orange hue, the sun dipping low in the sky, the night air was cool, crisp. Despite the surrounding city the park was quiet, peaceful. A popular place for couples, especially young couples, cherry blossoms bloomed every year, the wind carrying them like so many love notes. A lone lake stood in the middle, it's edges lapping the beach, creating a soothing rythm.

"Oh... I should've brought my coat..."

"Here, you can have mine" Shinji put his jacket around her. AN: That is so old.

Sakae took in the scent of him in his jacket, squeezing it tighter around herself. "Thank you, Shinji"

Shinji blushed "Anytime, Sakae. You want to get some coffee?"

She nodded.

"Okay, lets get out of here."

As they made their way hand in hand towards the city a ragged looking man came out from behind a tree.

"Give me your money!" He was holding a pistol, his hands shaking. "Hurry up!" He yelled.

Shinji and Sakae froze, too shocked to do anything. A shot rang out, Shinji felt her hand go limp. He looked to his left and saw her fall on her back, her mouth opened in shock. Something snapped in Shinji. He never really acted on his anger, for fear of pain but this was too much. Shinji screamed and tackled the man, taking his gun and emptying the remaining shots into him. He was still pulling the trigger even when the gun was empty.

Shinji turned back and knelt down to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for any of thi-"

Sakae's hand slowly rose up and rested on his cheek. "I..It's not your fault... The only regret I have... is... I didn't say it sooner..." She grimaced in pain. "I-I love you...Shinji" Her eyes became dull, lifeless. Shinji knelt over her, sobbing quietly. "I love you too..." He let out a scream.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion blah blah blah...

AN: A very, very Short drabble on the characters. Sorry, couldn't come up with anything else. Don't worry, I'm working on it... Enjoy

Sakae's POV

"That night, when some other kids made fun of me. I cried. He came for me, made me forget."

Shinji: …Those deep red eyes, they are beautiful

"His hands were warm and gentle, I wish that night never ended. Even if I was locked away from everyone, I wouldn't have minded if it was with him "

"…and in that moment I fell in love"

"Up until that point everyone was so stern and unresponsive"

"Shinji, he taught me love"

Shinji's POV

"Sakae never smiled in front of anyone else, that smile was only for me."

"But, that day came…"

Sakae's POV

"I-I have to move again Shinji…"

Shinji: Please forgive me, for calling you out so late…

"To be together forever is our long cherished desire."

Shinji's POV

"You think that if I gave that man my wallet, everything would be fine, she'd still be here. I don't know about that…"

"All I knew was that Sakae was dead and a part of me died too. The reality that we couldn't be together"

"Many thoughts concerning suicide crossed my mind, but every time I see Sakae. What would she say? Taking the cowards way out, no. She wanted me to be happy, to be strong. Her sacrifice will not be in vain."

Sakae's POV

"But I didn't have any regrets. I realized the first time he called me Sakae I have grown accustomed to it. I was so happy!"

"I loved him more than life itself."

"To tell you the truth, I do have one small regret. All those things people experience, we couldn't experience together. I wanted to do those things too…"

"Just kidding, I know he is strong. And when he is ready, we will see each other again, somewhere, some day."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Lol, still reading this huh? Taste of Chaos Tour 2006 YEAHHH! **Bold **writing equals narrative by a character alright?

Apartment complex… Shinji paused outside Misato's door.

"Hey Misato, it's almost eight o' clock…" Misato was hidden underneath her blanket "I just got back from night shift so let me sleep more…" "Oh, okay" "So how's school?" Shinji paused "Um, It's Ok." "Ok, see-ya."

/Phone ringing/

Misato fumbles around for the phone. "Hi, who is this?"

"It's me"

"Oh, Hi Ritsuko. I'm tired, let me sleep…"

/sigh/ "I was going to ask about Shinji's well-being"

"He's fine, he doesn't get calls though"

"Calls?"

"Well, since I figured he'd be needing one, I gave him a cellular phone. I don't think he's ever used it though, or received any calls. I'm not sure but, I don't think he has any friends." "Well, I would guess that Shinji isn't exactly the sort of person who makes friends easily. Do you know the fable the "Hedgehogs' dilemma"?" "Hedgehog? You mean those animals with the spiny hair?" "Even though a hedgehog may want to become close with another hedgehog, the closer they get, the more they injure each other with their spines. It's the same with some humans. The reason he seems so withdrawn, is because he's afraid of being hurt." 

School…

/Classmates are talking and playing in the classroom./

A brown haired girl walked toward a boy in class with an authorative air "Aida, have you given Suzahara those printouts?"

Kensuke faltered "Uh, nobody was there…" He shoves said papers in his desk.

The class rep looked at him skeptically "Aren't you on good terms with him?"

"Well yeah but I didn't want to intrude… he might be hurt"

"In that incident? The news said nobody was hurt."

They heard the swish of the door open.

Touji scanned the room for a moment. "There's barely anyone here"

Kensuke pushed up his glasses "Where were you all this time?"

He paused before replying, staring out the window "At the hospital… my sister got crushed under some rubble. Goddamnit that pilot was so stupid!"

Shinji winced when he heard that comment. More or less he wouldn't think much of such comments but these dreams he's been having lately were making him more depressed than usual. He hated pain, almost more than being alone. He hated killing that man, he hated the ache in his heart. Now he has hurt someone else. (It's so hard… living with this pain… ) Shinji lay his head down on the desk and fell asleep.

-Dream- "I was dreaming… Sakae. Everything is so painful. Especially my heart. I am alone now. As I went home every day, I keep wondering why I continue to live…" /giggling/ "Hmm?" "Your so serious Shinji, you'll grow old thinking those thoughts." She turned towards him. "Being alone isn't that bad, and because I was alone, I was able to meet you. Good things will happen. " 

-End Dream-

"Rise. Bow. Sit"

Shinji awoke and let out a yawn. What he received were surprised looks from students and a glare from a certain class rep. He had on a clueless look "What happened?"

The class laughed but Hikari quickly silenced them. She then strode quickly over to Shinji. "You _were_ supposed to stand up, bow to the _sensei_ and sit back down."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Ah, sorry I'm new. Just transferred here not too long ago…" Shinji stood up, bowed and sat back down.

(He seems nice enough) "That is fine, but as the class representative I expect you to follow class rules from now on"

"Yes class rep"

As the class settled back down rumors began to spread about the new kid. (I hear he is the pilot of that robot) (Really? I wish I could be like him, it's so cool!) (Let's ask him)

Shinji heard a beeping on his computer. It wouldn't turn off by itself so he opened his laptop to find a message. 'You're the pilot of that robot? Y/N' He decided the last thing he wanted was attention so he typed 'no'. There was a collective disappointing sigh in the class, however Touji still had his doubts.

School grounds…

The lunch bell had rang, signaling that the day was halfway through. As Shinji found a quiet spot to eat his lunch two boys approached him. One of them spoke "Hey, you're the pilot of that robot aren't you?"

Shinji didn't look up "No, I'm not"

"LIAR!"

Touji threw a hard punch at Shinji's cheek, causing him to fall over and drop his bento.

Kensuke turned away "His sister got hurt in that incident, that's his reason anyways"

As they walked away Shinji mumbled something. "I…I didn't pilot it by choice…"

Touji turned around and walked quickly towards Shinji, punching him again. Shinji slowly opened his eyes to see Rei. Her arm and eye had bandages over them. (Why didn't I notice her before?) "There is an emergency, I will report first"

NERV…

"Shinji, remember the plan? Lower the angel's AT field and fire the rifle"

"Right"

Shinji's EVA turned around the building and began firing rounds into the angel.

"You idiot, you created a smoke screen!"

Suddenly the angel's feelers cut his rifle and umbilical cord. 'EVA has switched to internal battery power.'

Meanwhile Kensuke and Touji observe the fight from a mountain shrine. "Shit, he's losing already" Kensuke focuses his camera. "Not a problem…being beat up must've messed him up badly huh?"

Touji turned away "Just shut up… Oh shit that robot is heading this way!"

Said robot was indeed falling towards them. It then impacted the mountain with a loud crash. Suddenly the angel attacked with it's feelers, Shinji however managed to grab them.

Misato's voice was suddenly heard on the speakers "Shinji, leave the current commands on. Let them into the cockpit, retreat then we will start again"

As they stepped they were at the very least surprised. "What? Is this water?"

"My camera! My camera!" Kensuke said in a girly high pitched voice.

Shinji commanded his EVA to throw the angel. "Okay Shinji, retreat to the designated point on the map"

Touji leaned forward "Hey new kid, she said retreat."

Shinji had his head down, mumbling something over and over like a spell. 'I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away' When the internal lighting turned red he let out a scream and charged down with his knife. Misato shook her head (What an idiot).

The angel pierced his EVA's torso, despite the pain however Shinji stabbed the core. The angel's feelers continued to burn him internally until the core broke. He keeled over as the power shut down, coughing up some blood.

Touji and Kensuke had their backs pressed up against the wall, full of surprise and fear. Touji decided to speak "Hey, new kid… are you okay?"

Shinji slowly looked back up. "I-I'm fine…I'm used to pain…" He broke down sobbing.

NERV holding cell…

Misato enters the cell, the door making a rusty squeak. "Shinji, why did disobey my orders?

Shinji stares at the floor "I'm sorry"

"You know I'm in charge of your operations?"

"Yes"

"You know you are supposed to obey my orders?"

"Yes"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes"

"You know, it may seem easy going along with whatever anyone else wants, but if you get into an Eva with that attitude it'll kill you!" "You know, I just don't care anymore." "It'd be nice if I could say you've got the right attitude, but if you think you're gonna' get any praise out of me, your wrong Shinji." Shinji looked at Misato with emotionless eyes "That's not the point. There is a far more important reason I am doing this" -Flashback- Shinji is laying on his bed, listening to his SDAT. There is a knock on his door. "Shinji there is a letter to you. It's from your father." Shinji got up quickly and opened his door, taking the letter quickly from his guardian's hands. He shut the door and opened the letter. His eyes widened at what it read. I have a use for you. Arrive at Tokyo 3 at the specified time. If you do as you are told, you can see her again. -End Flashback- Shinji looked at the floor again "Anyway I'm the only one who can pilot it. I'll just have to do." 

School…

The rain was still coming down, pattering against the windows and blurring the lights of the cars in the street outside. It wasn't the kind of rain you could go out in—it was the other kind, the kind that threw itself down from the sky and splashed where it landed.

Kensuke was busily typing on his computer while Touji stared into space, thinking about the new kid. "It's been three days"

Kensuke continued typing "Since we were chewed out?"

"No, since he stopped coming to school"

The typing stopped "Who?"

Touji stared out the window "The new kid of course"

"You worried about him?"

"…"

Apartment…

Misato woke up to the familiar sound of rain tapping the window. (Usually Shinji wakes me) She stopped at his door, thinking about what to say. "Shinji, how long do you plan on skipping school"

Misato opened his door slowly, not too sure about his current mentality. She looked at the floor and saw the small red box from before, now on it's side. Misato however wasn't prepared for the sight in the left corner. Shinji held a pistol to his head while holding a picture in front of him. He held a small smile and blank emotionless eyes, seemingly void of any life. "Don't worry, I'm coming for you. Then we can be together again…"

"No! Shinji!" Misato tackled Shinji. A gunshot echoed in the apartment.

Shinji opened his eyes slowly. The first thing he noticed was his head hurt. Everything was blurry, sounds were distorted as if he were in a tunnel. (I can't move, am I dead?)

"He tried to kill himself"

"What? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, but I had to knock him out and tie him up. Quite honestly I'm not surprised. We are so hard on these children."

"But we need pilots"

"Oh, he's awake. Talk to you later Ritsuko"

Misato put down the phone and walked over to Shinji. "I have some questions for you Shinji, we're friends here okay?"

"Why did you try to kill yourself Shinji?"

Shinji looked at the floor. (Damn, I'm so weak. I hate myself…)

"Shinji?"

He looked up at her, paused for a few minutes and finally spoke "…This pain… it eats at me everyday… you don't know what it's like… to lose someone… you love"

Misato stared at Shinji, not knowing what to do in these situations. She fell back on her Director of Operations training. "So, you still mourn your mother"

Shinji stared at his shoes. "Of course I do, but that's not what hurts most…"

Misato went into his room and picked up the red box with the picture and the pistol. She then set them on the table and examined the gun. (An old model, but can still kill) Misato turns and faces Shinji, holding the gun. "Why do you have this?"

He continued to stare at his shoes. "That…that is a reminder… of the man I killed"

She faltered and sat down on a chair. Her head was buried in her hands, a million thoughts going through her head. (I don't know anything about him, some guardian I am…) Misato decided to drop the subject and turned her attention towards the picture. "Care to tell me who is in this picture?"

Shinji slowly looked up with distant eyes. "Sakae… she…she was my first love…"

"Hmm? When did you meet her?"

"At my old school, when I was 6. She was the first friend I've ever had..."

He smiled sadly, recalling past memories "We used to do just about everything together. Practically inseparable. I felt like we would live forever."

-Flashback-

Shinji hugged Sakae, embracing her tightly. "If there is anything, any way I can help…"

Sakae looked up at him "I'll give you a call"

"I always thought girls were supposed to call boys" 

/Dialing, Ring tone/ 'Ah… Sakae?' /gruff voice/ 'There's no girl by that name here' /Dial tone/sigh/

Teacher's house…

"Shinji there's a call for you, it's a girl"

Coffee house…

Shinji sat by himself at a table, staring out the window. (Maybe she won't show up…) /Heavy breathing/ Sakae was trying to catch her breath "Hi Shinji, sorry I'm late. My parents are very protective of me"

Shinji looked at her skirt and blushed. He turned away "I um didn't think you'd show up"

Sakae grabbed his hands "Why wouldn't I?" She closed the distance between them and they shared a passionate kiss.

**"As they say though, all good things must come to an end." **

Shinji laughed half-heartedly** "On the night, before she had to move away, I called her so we could be together one last time."**

Shinji and Sakae froze, too shocked to do anything. A shot rang out, Shinji felt her hand go limp. He looked to his left and saw her fall on her back, her mouth opened in shock. Something snapped in Shinji. He never really acted on his anger, for fear of pain but this was too much. Shinji screamed and tackled the man, taking his gun and emptying the remaining shots into him. He was still pulling the trigger even when the gun was empty.

Shinji turned back and knelt down to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for any of thi-"

Sakae's hand slowly rose up and rested on his cheek. "I..It's not your fault... The only regret I have... is... I didn't say it sooner..." She grimaced in pain. "I-I love you...Shinji" Her eyes became dull, lifeless. Shinji knelt over her, sobbing quietly. "I love you too..." He let out a scream.

-End Flashback-

"My father left me, my mother disappeared and Sakae died… Misato… you're not going to disappear too, are you?"


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hmm… I don't really have much to say, only that I can't wait for winter so I can snowboard… Okay, enjoy the fic… XD

Misato's car en route to NERV…

One day had passed since that eventful morning. Life has pretty much returned to normal for Misato, except she keeps a closer eye on Shinji.

-Flashback-

_"My father left me, my mother disappeared and Sakae died… Misato… you're not going to disappear too, are you?"_

Misato stared at Shinji, still trying to take in his confessions. It was almost too much, Shinji led a dynamic life before EVA. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him, on top of losing his mother and being abandoned his girlfriend died and he has a dead man on his conscience. After a few minute's of contemplating she decided to take action. Misato knelt down next to him.

"I won't leave you Shinji, you are like the son I never had."

Shinji looked up slowly, making eye contact. He then broke down, crying out the welled up tears of unhealed wounds. Misato hugged him tightly. "Don't worry Shinji, I won't go away"

-End Flashback-

Misato had Shinji go to school that day, since he would be surrounded by people he would be less likely to do something stupid. Also she ordered increased surveillance on Shinji. What was on her mind now though was the conversation she and Ritsuko had last night.

-Flashback-

"I think I resolved the problem for now, he seems a little better but I feel he is still holding back"

"I would expect that, after all trust is a two way street."

"Huh?"

/sigh/ "For him to trust you, you need to trust him"

"I'm still new to this guardian stuff"

"You volunteered for it"

"Yeah yeah…"

"How about I visit tonight?"

"Sure, I'll cook my famous curry!"

"Sounds good, bye"

"Bye"

-End Flashback-

School…

Shinji lay his head down on his arm, the sounds of the classroom seemingly melded into a single continuous buzz. His eyes were blank, his brow furrowed slightly in thought. (Misato… said she wouldn't leave me, like I was her son) An image of Sakae's lifeless eyes passed through his mind (But… It'll end up as pain in the end) The man he shot (And I end up hurting others…) –Flashback- _"At the hospital… my sister got crushed under some rubble. Goddamnit that pilot was so stupid!"-_End Flashback

Shinji turned his attention towards the windows, seeing if anything distracting was happening. His eyes roved over Rei's seat. (She's not here today, not surprising) As he stared at her desk his thoughts wandered to the first child. (Ayanami Rei, first child. Pilot of EVA 00. Quiet. Blue hair) (I don't know anything about her)

The sensei's second impact ramblings continued no one listened however. He doubted that even class rep cared about second impact. Shinji turned his attention toward the clock. He could swear the hand moved backward for a second. Shinji let out a small sigh and closed his eyes.

-Dream-

Shinji found himself in a park. He was sitting on a wooden bench, a few meters away from a small boy in a sandbox. (This seems… familiar…) Shinji watched as a girl approached the boy. They reached a mutual agreement and both were busily building a sandcastle. Shinji unconsciously smiled, the scene before him stirred many old emotions within him. Suddenly a voice startled him. "Hey, mister?" He saw the little girl and boy stand next to him. They were focusing on him, as if expecting Shinji to accomplish some amazing feat.

"Uhm yeah?"

The little girl spoke "Your smile is so empty, it hurts to watch you"

Shinji felt a tinge of anger.

"It's like your hurting badly and grinning to hide it" The little boy added.

The anger grew into rage.

"That's how it looked to me" She finished

He soon had the girl's throat in his hands. Suddenly a strong wind picked up and the landscape changed. Shinji looked up and noticed it was nighttime. When he looked back down he saw Sakae's eyes seemingly piercing into his heart, then they became void of life. Shinji looked to his left and saw a gun pointed at his head.

-End Dream-

Shinji awoke to the sound of the dismiss bell, signaling the end of another school day. He walked by himself back home, as usual. Honestly he didn't mind, he was more comfortable this way. However humans were not meant to live alone. Our identity, our sense of worth and the character of our maturity are all shaped by the quality of our deep bonds with significant others.

Apartment…

"Tadaima…" Shinji kicked off his shoes and went into his room, locking the door. He lay his satchel on his desk and fell on his bed, reminiscing on the dream he had. (I'm just a killer…)

"Shinji, Ritsuko will be here in half an hour so help me clean up here." Misato yelled

Shinji slowly sat up and yelled back "Okay…"

Half an hour later…

The blonde scientist gave the curry a strange look, "Ugh, what is this? You're still eating that instant stuff?"

"Hey! You're a guest so you have no right to complain" Misato shook her beer can at Ritsuko.

"Misato, don't you want any?" Shinji asked.

"Oh, slop some of that stuff into here" Misato revealed an instant ramen cup.

Ritsuko looked half surprised and disgusted "You can't be serious"

"Oh you should try it, it's super yummy! The trick is to add less water so the sludge forms."

Shinji and Ritsuko eyed the curry suspiciously then lifted a small spoonful towards their mouths. The room was soon filled with coughing and a rush towards the bathroom. "Hey! I spent at least half an hour on this meal. You should be grateful!" Misato huffed.

Ritsuko made her way back to the table. "You know Shinji, you shouldn't let one bad room mate ruin your life." Shinji walked back from the sink. "Ah, I'm used to it now"

Misato had a dignified air "Don't underestimate the human animal Ritsuko, besides… Shinji can you get me another beer?… He just got his permanent security card"

"Oh, that reminds me…" Ritsuko dug into her bag. "Can you deliver Rei's new security card to her. I keep forgetting."

"Um, can't somebody else do it?" Classic evasion technique. Ritsuko would have none of it however. "Nonsense Shinji, you can go right now" /sigh/ "Okay I'll do it…"

Apartment 402…

Shinji stopped in front of her door. There were various mail articles shoved into the slot. (She lives all the way out here in the construction zone?) He pressed her doorbell. (Must be broken) "Okay Ayanami, I'm coming in." Shinji paused when he opened the door. Almost everything was covered in a fine layer of dust, not much sunlight penetrated the drawn blinds. (This place is worse than Misato's apartment…)

He took off his shoes at the door way and made his way slowly towards a room up ahead. Bloody bandages lay in a box in the corner. An orange pill bottle and a glass of water sat on a nightstand, the dust making the water slightly cloudy. Shinji continued to scan the room. A wrinkled school uniform lay upon an unkempt bed, even some undergarments lay here and there.

Shinji felt a pair of eyes on his back. He turned around slowly to see Rei. Out of the shower. With a well placed towel. Time seemed to slow, minutes turned into hours. She paused for a moment then walked past him. His mind started working again and reminded him of the task he was given. "Hey, Rei?" She proceeded to dress herself, Shinji didn't realize he was watching until a minute passed. "Uh um… I'm supposed to give you your new security card" Now fully dressed she turned around and walked toward him. For a moment Shinji made eye contact. A moment was all that was needed though as a sudden rush of images flooded his head.

(Those eyes…) He grasped his head, dropping the card. "What, what the hell!" (Sakae. Her eyes. Her smile. Their kiss.) "Stop! Please" Shinji gasped as a new image invaded his mind. (Her lifeless eyes) He let out a scream and passed out.

-Dream-

Shinji…Shinji! Wake up, Quick!

Shinji's eyes opened slowly. A blue sky, and many cherry blossoms are carried gently by the wind. Sakae was looking down at him. "Hey, you feel asleep on my lap." Shinji blushed and sat up quickly. "Um, sorry"

Sakae smiled. "It's okay Shinji, you are so cute when you sleep"

He blushed and sat next to her. Sakae spoke up first. "You seem troubled Shinji"

He stared at the lake several meters away. "No, not really"

She giggled "You know, you're a bad liar." Her face turned serious. "You're not turning into your old self now are you?"

"It's easier that way" Shinji paused for a moment "I lost everything once, I don't want to see the people I care about die in front of me"

"Sometimes Shinji, you have to lose something to get something." She turned towards him with a smile on her face. "Because we were alone, we met each other. Isn't that right?"

-End Dream-

Shinji's eyes flew open. He had a pounding headache. Next he realized he was laying on something soft. (I must've all been a dream). "You seem to be in satisfactory health Ikari" Rei's voice came from above him. He looked up and saw her leaning over him. Then he realized he was resting in her lap. He blushed and stood up quickly. Quick movements made his headache worse however. "Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to walk in because I didn't know you were here and…"

"We are needed at NERV" Rei interrupted. An emergency klaxon sounded. She stood up and walked out the door, leaving Shinji behind. (He talks too much)

NERV bridge…

Misato stared at the screen (Hmm… the fifth angel)

The technicians went through various procedures.

"The target is now intruding into Lake Ashino air space."

"Eva Unit One is ready for launch."

"Launch Eva!"

The angel detected an approaching AT field and began charging a particle beam.

"We're detecting a high-energy reaction inside the target."

"What'd you say!"

"The energy charge is accelerating and massing upon itself!"

Misato slightly panicked "Look out!"

"Huh?" The building in front of him melted as he rose up. An agonized scream echoed throughout the building.

"No, Shinji! Retrieve him!"

Misato looked at the video feed. Blood mixed with the LCL, making it cloudy. "Take command here Ritsuko, I'm going to the cages."

(Come on hurry up) Misato watched as Shinji was pulled out of the cockpit. Blood slowly trickled from his nose. "Shinji…" She watched him get wheeled towards emergency room. Misato let out a sigh.

Gendo's office…

"You plan to use a sniper to shoot the angel from outside it's firing range?" Fuyutsuki wore an incredulous look.

"Yes sir. Instead of neutralizing the target's AT field I believe we will be more successful with a focused high energy beam."

"What do the Magi say?"

"Our probability of success is 8.7"

"I see no reason to reject your plan. You may proceed." Gendo interjected

After Misato left, Fuyutsuki spoke to the Commander. "What if your son refuses to pilot?"

Gendo had on a small smile "He will pilot, Shinji already has sufficient motivation"

NERV hospital…

Shinji was floating on the border between asleep and awake. He dreamed bittersweet dreams of the what if's and the could have beens. His sleep was interrupted by the sound of a cart being wheeled in. Opening his eyes and finally feeling fully awake Shinji felt like somebody let a breeze into his room. (Unfamiliar ceiling…) He felt a pair of eyes observing him, Shinji turned to his left to see a familiar girl.

He then faced forward again. Rei was unfazed as she began explaining the battle plan. Shinji barely listened, his thoughts focused elsewhere. "Here is your new plug suit" Rei tossed the plastic package at his lap.

"Do I have to pilot EVA again?"

"If you do not, I will. Ritsuko is prepared to rewrite the personal data files"

Shinji stared at the plug suit, as if it were a something repulsive. "How do you do it, Ayanami?" He turned his head towards her. "How can you pilot?"

"I have nothing else" Rei turned to leave. She paused at the doorway. "Don't show up looking like that" Shinji blushed and quickly covered himself.

EVA cages…

Shinji stared at his EVA, his brow furrowed in thought. " Maybe this will be our last day alive..."

Rei stood next to him, also focusing on her EVA "Why would you say something like that?" She turned to face him. "You won't die… I'll be protecting you. Good bye"

NERV bridge…

"Listen up. Here are the battle plans for the operation. Shinji." Misato barked

"Yes?"

"Your Unit One will be the gunner."

"Right."

Misato turned to Rei "..and Rei, you will cover him with Unit Zero."

"Yes."

Ritsuko appeared with a clipboard "The reason for this arrangement, is because Shinji has a higher sync ratio with Unit One and this operation will require a high degree of precision."

Mt. Futago…

"Okay Shinji, you have to get this right on the first shot."

Shinji's hands were shaking "Uh, right"

"Countdown to firing. 10, 9, 8"

"There is a high energy output detected from the angel!"

"5, 4"

"Not now!"

"2, 1, 0"

Both beams headed straight for each other. As they neared their trajectories became intertwined and they veered off course. A huge explosion ensued.

"Replacing fuses. Barrel cooling in progress"

"Another energy mass is detected"

"Shinji! Look out!"

Shinji instinctively closed his eyes and waited for the impact, but it never came. He opened his eyes "Ayanami?" Her EVA held a large shield in front of it, however it was already melting. (Come on come on, hurry up!) In reality what may have been seconds seemed like an eternity as he waited for the gun to ready itself. Finally when the shot was fired he force ejected Rei's entry plug and manually opened it, burning his hands in the process.

He never really felt the pain, sure there was the initial feeling of many pinpricks so he flinched. However he continued. There was something, something about this girl that made it worth it. Why didn't he wait for help? He could easily just sit down and turn on his SDAT, ignoring his surroundings. However he felt like letting her die would betray someone very dear to him.

Shinji finally opened the hatch "Ayanami! Ayanami! Are you all right?"

Rei slowly opened her eyes and nodded. Her hands still embraced the EVA controls.

Tears snaked down his face, the warm salty liquid dripping into the LCL. "Don't say goodbye, before leaving on a mission. I-It's too sad."

Rei had a slightly confused look "I do not know what I should do or feel at a time like this."

Shinji wore an understanding smile "Try smiling. If not for yourself then for me"

Rei felt a new sensation, her inner being felt warm, as if the sun reached the depths of her heart. For once, she truly smiled.

AN: Well... well... review i guess... later


End file.
